Who's to Blame?

“Who’s to blame?”

I hear you asking and I’m ready to assist

I humbly set about to draft

A true and thorough list:


We comprehend the culprits

And we know who must atone

Those vile and thieving bastards who

Will not leave us alone:


The champagne-sipping plutocrats

The beer-stained redneck trash

The crooked politicians

Who have siphoned off our cash


Elitist urban hipsters

Overeducated snobs

The pick-up driving hoi polloi

Unkempt benighted slobs


The yokels in the country

And the dandies in the towns

I’m sure we all agree

There’s so much blame to go around


We’ll blame those prudish Christians

And those funny-talking Jews

We’ll blame the Easter Bunny

And the Loch Ness monster too


Those vicious probing aliens

The endless zombie hordes

Their clear responsibility

Must never be ignored


We’ll blame those fruity unicorns

We’ll blame those filthy elves

Of one thing we are sure:

That we must never blame ourselves.